Deliberate parenting

Deliberate parenting A week ago something happened to me that is noteworthy, the impact of this experience is significant enough to share. I am a smart kid. Mum and dad are happy and proud. Not that they don't deserve to be. Just occurred to me last week, that they weren't part of the smarts. No. Not deliberately. Allow me to say this, my parents were so busy pulling punches at each other they totally forgot to raise me. Trial and error raised me. Books raised me. The church raised me. God raised me. Friends helped raise me. I used to be grateful for food, clothes, shelter and health care. But food, clothes and shelter don't make a man.. Man shall not live by bread alone. Man cannot survive by bread alone. So, dear mum and dad, if all you're giving your child is bread, clothes and a place to stay, then you are not raising a child. You are simply raising the 'house' that houses the child. You have only scratched the surface. Taking the child to the latest children's party is not raising the child. Toys, no matter how beautiful, ain't gonna help raise a child. Neither clothing's nor big buildings. Here is what they didn't deliberately do: One. They weren't emotionally available to me. They didn't pay attention. They never asked how their fights made me feel or how I felt about anything. We were in the same physical space, but their heads and hearts were far from my emotional needs. Two. This was the worst. They didn't provide discipline and limits. Not like I wanted to be beaten. They weren't there to tell me,"hey, that was a mistake. No, don't do that." I had too much freedom than I could handle. Three. They didn't understand me. They never saw the world through my eyes. They don't know what would make me happy or sad. They don't even know I love books. My rest is books. My play is books. My seriousness is books. I don't have even a newspaper as a book gift from them. Those are my three most painful. Well, I got here. It makes me the best candidate to say the following: To lead the child into a happy state of mind, one must give due importance to her emotional needs. They are as important to the child as the so-called essential needs. Love is the most precious thing in the world. Are you emotionally available to your kids? Do you know what they like? Have you given them their favourite things as gifts? Are you deliberately teaching them stuffs like healthy eating, happiness, grit, resilience, boundaries, exercise, service to God and others etc? Are you busy trying to compete with your spouse you totally forgot your children? How long ago did you ask whether they are comfortable with your decisions? Did you give them your list of do's and don'ts? Do you think your actions or inactions are hurting them? Or you think they don't have a right to be hurt? Is your decisions all about you?Are you really there for them? Think on these things. (Meditations for deliberate parents).I'll be back. Your comments are welcome. I'm good. Thanks for asking. Joy Sampson Super teacher.